Mark Stock's FAQ

Questions about the my web pages/site:

1. Who drew that cool cartoon?

   That would be the maestro himself, a one Mr. Markus Nee. Be sure to check his stuff out. He's quite the man.

2. Where is flash.mpg?

   Well, you see, there is this MPEG movie of the computational results of a simulation of a comet striking the ocean. It was the result of a large hydrodynamics code written at one of our government's research labs, and was a test of a new supercomputer. Well, anyways, the animations made from the simulation were called boom.mpg, splash.mpg, and, the infamous flash.mpg.

   These are not movies of topless girls on spring break! Get it? Just buy the damn tapes off TV, and stop trying to find free stuff. I swear, I'm going to continue naming my engineering research plots things like doggy.gif and titpress.jpg.

   You've probably already searched for "spring break photos" and found pictures of my fully-clothed guy friends skiing in Colorado. You deserve that one.

3. Where are the MP3s?

   Allright. You probably did a search for "full+album+metallica+load+download+mp3+free". Stop already. I get the idea. Try Gnutella. I don't have MP3s for you. If you keep this up, I'm going to tell Lars.

4. Where's the stock photography?

   Heh. You need to make a brochure for your loser company, and you need a photo of the Rennaissance Center in Detroit. Well, you heard that stock photography companies have these sorts of things. So instead of looking for a company, you search for "stock" and "photography." Well, by sheer coincidence, my name is Mark Stock. These are my pictures. You must pay me if you want to use them.

   If you steal them and use them in your publication, brochure, etc. and do not pay me, or even notify me first, I will find out. I am the nexus. I have friends where you didn't even think people lived. They are all literate, and they all like my pictures. They are also against gun control. Do I have to explain myself?

5. Do you have the TAB to Blackbird?

   Yes. But I think you'd be better off finding your favorite TAB at the site where I got my TAB: Tabcrawler.

6. The link to [filename] doesn't work. Why?

   Because I don't care.

   Damn, this is too funny. [lol] I can't stand it. I'm sorry. I'm really a decent guy. If you really want to see something and a link is broken or whatever, just tell me about it. I'm pretty good about things like that.

Questions about me:

1. Aren't you the painter from California?

   You are looking for Mark Stock. He is not I. He maintains no web presence, and you will not find his web page, no matter how hard you look. He's got a book, though, and paints some wonderful, colorful, and moody images.

2. Do you know [name]?

   Probably. I just forgot what he/she looks like.

3. Whatcha doing tonight?

   Nuthin. Maybe some laundry. I wanna eat at home 'cause I'm gettin' low on money.

4. When are you going to graduate?

   I will graduate when I'm good and ready. I still need to write a thesis. It's too bad I keep getting great ideas; that seems to slow things down.

5. Can I commission artwork from you?

   Absolutely. I deal in high-quality modelling, rendering, printing, and framing of original computer-generated artwork. Tell me what you like and I'll see what I can do for you.

   Oh, you can't pay me? Um, then...no.

6. What's the footer of your web page look like?